What Am I Anymore If I'm Not This?

What Am I Anymore If I'm Not This?

Former UFC champion Ronda Rousey was in a dark place after suffering a crushing knockout loss to opponent Holly Holm in November.

During an emotional appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Tuesday Rousey, 29, opened up about the loss that stripped her of her undefeated record and bantamweight title. After the Nov. 15 fight in Melbourne, Australia, she was transported to a local hospital, where she says she contemplated suicide.

"Honestly, my thought in the medical room, I was sitting in the corner and was like, 'What am I anymore if I'm not this?' " Rousey recalls. "Literally sitting there thinking about killing myself. In that exact second, I'm like, 'I'm nothing. What do I do anymore? No one gives a s--- about me anymore without this.' "

Rousey says it was her relationship with her boyfriend, UFC heavyweight Travis Browne, that helped her stay strong in that moment.

"I looked up and saw my man, Travis, was standing there," she says. "I'm looking up at him and was just like, 'I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.' "

"I haven't told anybody that," Rousey confessed to DeGeneres. "I think I only told him that. But that was what I was thinking. I was meant to have him when I was at my lowest. I don't know if I would have made it without him."

Rousey also told DeGeneres that she plans to face Holm again in a rematch – but this time she'll have a whole new mindset.

"I did a lot of thinking and … I tried to think, 'What is the reason of all this?' And I'm thinking like what my actual purpose is and maybe just winning all the time isn't what's best for everybody. Maybe my role – everyone has their moment of picking themselves off the floor. I'd gone through several of mine, but no one had actually seen me go through it. And maybe I just had to be that example of picking myself up the floor for everyone, maybe that's what I'm meant for."

"I really do believe I'm still undefeated because being defeated is a choice," she adds. "Everybody has losses in their life, but I choose to always be undefeated."